Facing Christmas After Loss: Finding Hope Through the Hard Times

Dealing with Grief at Christmas, or whatever holidays you celebrate:

Christmas has always been a time of togetherness, celebration, and joy. But for some of us, dealing with grief at Christmas brings up deep sadness. The holiday season is hard when you’ve experienced profound loss—something I’ve known all too well since 2008. That year, my life changed dramatically, and I’ve struggled with Christmas ever since.

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2008: A Year of Loss

In 2008, I lost more than I could ever have imagined:

• February: Our beloved Greyhound died.
• March: I started a new job. (Okay, so some stress is good stress!)
• May: My father suffered a major brain injury after falling through a roof.
• June–September: Multiple aunts and uncles passed away. Father had multiple surgeries and procedures to deal with the extensive injuries related to his fall.
• August: My mother had a major stroke that left her debilitated for the rest of her life. And my father had major brain surgery for bilateral subdural hematomas.
• October: My brother-in-law had a heart attack.
• November: My mother-in-law passed away.
• December: My father-in-law passed away. I learned as we drove from the funeral to the cemetery that my uncle was in his last hours, and left after my father-in-law’s grave-side ceremony to be with my aunt.
• January: My father was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.

The holiday season, once filled with warmth and joy, turned into a time marked by loss, grief, and heartache. Even though we still came together and celebrated, it was never the same. You’ve heard people talk about dealing with grief at Christmas, but it isn’t until you experience it yourself that the real meaning kicks in.

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The Weight of Grief During the Holidays

If you’ve ever experienced loss, (especially if you’re dealing with grief at Christmas or the holidays you celebrate, (but it doesn’t really matter when), you know how painful the holidays can be. There’s an empty chair at the table, a quiet void that no amount of festive cheer can fill. For years, I felt like I let my kids down because I just didn’t have the energy to “do Christmas” like I once did. The decorations were minimal, the cooking outsourced, and we simply got through the holiday instead of truly celebrating it.

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This Year, I’m Trying Yet Again

After 16 years, I’ve decided to give myself a nudge and do it all again, as I do every year. I can’t change the past, and the grief will always be with me, but I want to reclaim some of the joy I lost along the way. It’s a slow process—one I’m still figuring out—but I keep trying. Maybe it will help someone to know that I am still struggling after 16 years. Grief doesn’t have a time table.

If you’re going through something similar, you’re not alone. Here’s what I’ve learned over the years, and some things I’m trying to do this time around. They may sound a little trite, but dealing with grief at Christmas is complicated and there are no magic answers.

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What You Can Do to Manage Grief During the Holidays

The holidays can feel unbearable when you’re grieving, but there are ways to cope. Here are a few ideas that may help:

1. Honor Their Memory: Instead of avoiding the memory of loved ones, find ways to include them. Light a candle in their honor, share stories, or hang an ornament that reminds you of them.
2. Lower Your Expectations: You don’t have to make everything perfect. It’s okay if things aren’t the way they used to be. Simplify where you can—order a meal if you need to, scale back on the decorations. Focus on what feels manageable.
3. Take Time for Yourself: Grief can be overwhelming, and the holiday rush doesn’t make it easier. Give yourself permission to step away from the noise. Take time for self-care, whether it’s a quiet walk, reading a book, or just being still for a while.
4. Lean on Your Support System: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Whether it’s family, friends, or a support group, let people know how you’re feeling and accept their support. You don’t have to go through this alone.
5. Create New Traditions: Sometimes, it’s helpful to start fresh. If old traditions are too painful, think about creating new ones that reflect where you are now. This could be something small—like watching a new movie or taking a walk in a different place.

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Moving Forward—One Step at a Time

I know Christmas will never be the same, but this year, I’m trying to make peace with that. Grief doesn’t go away, but it doesn’t have to steal everything either. It’s about balance—finding space for both the sadness and the joy.

If you’re struggling with grief during the holidays, know that it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Take it one day at a time, and give yourself the grace to find your own path through the season. We can’t change the losses we’ve experienced, but we can learn to carry them with us in ways that honor both our loved ones and ourselves.

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Conclusion:

Christmas can be a bittersweet time for those of us who have faced loss. If you’re in that space, know that you’re not alone. This year, I’m trying to find ways to bring a little more light into the season, and I hope you can too. Let’s take this journey together, one step at a time.

This year I’m decorating my dining room to make our family meals special. What are you doing? (It’s okay if you’re committing to do nothing extra, just care for yourself.)

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This year, consider getting a gift for yourself.

Perhaps a gift of reading! Here’s a link to my favorite book. I’d love to learn what your favorite book is! Share it below!